Carmen's Story - Part 5

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=22 BGCOLOR="#FFFFFF" TEXT="#080000" bgproperties="fixed" background="040a30d3.png"> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=145 BGCOLOR="#333399" TEXT="#080000" background="03fa2c00erkjzj.png"> <div> <A HREF="id157.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Submission In Marriage"><U>Submission In Marriage</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id150.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Shell Never Be The Same"><U>She'll Never Be The Same</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id147.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="In Love"><U>In Love</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id148.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="The Hired Hand"><U>The Hired Hand</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id142.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="33 Reasons NOT to Divorce"><U>33 Reasons NOT to Divorce</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id140.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Feeling Empty"><U>Feeling Empty</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id134.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Quotes Jokes To Make You Smile"><U>Quotes & Jokes To Make You Smile</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id132.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Marriage Poem"><U>A Marriage Poem</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id117.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Bliss"><U>Bliss</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id111.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Not A Three Ringed Circus"><U>Not A Three Ringed Circus</U></A></div> <div> <B>Carmen's Story - Part 5</B></div> <div> <A HREF="id94.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Some People"><U>Some People</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id96.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Little Understanding."><U>A Little Understanding.</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id105.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="A Fresh Look"><U>A Fresh Look</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id36.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="My Shepherd"><U>My Shepherd</U></A></div> <div> <A HREF="id37.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Hes Good This Week"><U>He's Good This Week</U></A></div> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=458 BGCOLOR="#FFFBF0" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <FONT SIZE="6" COLOR="#993380" FACE="Paris" ><I>Zollywood</I></FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#663399" FACE="Times New Roman" >  </FONT><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#663399" FACE="Verdana" >  </FONT> |    <B> </B><FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#0000BF" FACE="Verdana" ><A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Zollywood"><U><B>home</B></U></A></FONT></div> <div> back to  <FONT SIZE="2" COLOR="#0000BF" FACE="Verdana" ><A HREF="id31.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Marriage"><U><B>Marriage</B></U></A></FONT></div> <div> <IMG SRC="04107040.png" border=0 width="263" height="4" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> <B>Carmen's Story - Part 5</B></div> <div> Throughout time we will publish snippets of Carmen's testimony, this section is about her first marriage. </div> <bR> <bR> <div> In 1990 I met my first husband, a whirl wind romance of only four months and a marriage of five years. It was my decision to marry this man; a decision not backed up by my family and church. I went ahead, thinking I was doing the right thing but somewhere inside of me I was not really sure.</div> <bR> <div> When I look back now my reasons for marrying were made out of insecurity. He was from overseas and his visa expired, he did not have to know any of my past and because he wanted to marry me I thought it acceptable, no one else wanted to marry me as far as I knew and I had my idealistic view of the happy family.</div> <bR> <div> The months before our marriage were lovely he was kind and generous and very thoughtful, so I felt I was doing fine and was enrolled to start Uni within a couple of weeks. He worked two jobs and obviously was capable of achieving. He also confessed to be a Christian and would sometimes come to church with me. It did not take long after the marriage for the performance to stop. I was in a marriage that was frightening, within weeks he had given up his major form of work, he was abusive and demanded so much of me I found it hard to function in every day life.</div> <bR> <div> I had also just started university as a mature age student, the Lord had opened all the doors and I was thriving on my course. My heart was heavy and my life was in turmoil, I gave up my university degree and went back to work. There was great pressure put on me to work, actually there was great pressure put on me for everything and inside I felt like I was dying. But I began to perform, keeping up appearances with friends and family. It was emotionally and physically exhausting and the marriage I was in was dreadful.</div> <bR> <div> By the sixth year I filed for divorce, it was a major decision and any one going through it knows the terrible heartache involved. As a Christian it seems to be far more complicated, people come out of the woodwork with their many and varied opinions and the support is quite minimal. It is a relief to find another divorced person to rest with. It is also a relief to live under grace, the Lord knows the whole story and I spent many hours searching the word of God for answers.</div> <bR> <div> I had two children aged two and three and I was almost due with number three when we separated. I was living with my father who was always a very stable and good influence in my life, at the hand of my ex husband we experienced terrible times of harassment and threats on our lives whilst living there. I had lived under his intimidation for five years and I was not going to let it destroy us, I took a stand and the violence orders started through court. He did not adhere to them and would end up in court again. I wanted to go on with my life a single mum with three very small children, waiting for my divorce to come through.</div> <bR> <div> I felt like I had my life back and I wanted my relationship with the Lord a fresh. I began again to really search the word for Gods promises and for more answers.</div> <div> JEREMIAH 3:12 -15 Go proclaim this message toward the north; "Return faithless Israel, declares the lord, I will frown on you no longer for I am merciful declares the lord I will not be angry forever. Only acknowledge your guilt- you have rebelled against the lord your God you have scattered your favours to foreign gods under every spreading tree and have not obeyed me, declares the lord. Return faithless people for I am your husband. I will choose you one from a town and two from a clan and bring you to Zion. Then I will give you shepherds after my own heart who will lead you with knowledge and understanding."</div> <bR> <div> One afternoon I was hanging out the washing and asking the Lord to tell me what I had done. It was like a neon sign in front of my eyes, the word harlot. I fell to the ground sobbing and then found the above Scripture, I only had to acknowledge my rebellion and repent. So I did and it felt like the darkness I had been living under was gone, I could clearly hear the Lord again after years of struggle. Being married in rebellion was a terrible and heart breaking experience, but again it was a choice I made- not a good one.</div> <bR> <div> There was no good fruit from that marriage (except three excellent children) but it has been a wonderful learning experience and one that has brought me far closer to the Lord. I thought I had experienced a huge amount of grace just with my salvation but now I know an even deeper degree of grace that has released me. Sometimes I keep God's grace and love limited by what I know and yet when you go through a major life change there is so much more than you can ever imagine.</div> <div>  My pride had kept me in a marriage that was never meant to be.  </div> <bR> <div> © 1999/2001 zollywood.com</div> </td> </tr></table></body>