Submission. The mere mention of the word will invoke heart felt conversation or heated debate. For me the journey to submission in marriage has not been an easy one. Growing up in the feministic 70's, experiencing marriage, divorce, single motherhood, remarriage and seven children later I am still coming to terms with the meaning of true submission, freedom.

In the western world 'submission in marriage' is generally only discussed and encouraged in Christian circles. Subsequently through out the years I and many others have been taught differing views on submission, not all in view of Gods love. So why does this word bring tears to the eyes or chills up your spine if it is an integral part of ourChristian walk?

Of course one of the most widely quoted and abused scriptures on a wifes submission is Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

I have always found it strange how the previous verse and the subsequent verses are left out when 'wives, submit' is mentioned. Lets step back for a moment and firstly look at verse 21. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Doesn't that put submission in a nutshell? All of us whether male or female are called to submission without exception as children of God. The following verse is where most controversy lies. Even Jesus submitted to the Father. If we love Christ and 'are called according to His purpose' then out of reverence for Him shouldn't we submit willingly?

Over the years I have had to work through my attitudes in the area of submission. In my first marriage I was forced into submission in everything, being taught that as a wife it was my duty. This kind of obligatory submission ended in bondage, much heart ache and finally divorce.

It was during that time of turmoil and pain that God began to teach me about His submission based solely on love and that His love produced freedom. I had become a statistic of 'submit' at all costs without ever understanding the entirety of the crucial Ephesians 5 scriptures. Only through the redemptive work of Jesus did I come to know of unconditional love and only through His word would I begin to fully comprehend and live out this love.

As a single mother of three I hungered for answers about marriage, divorce and submission in marriage. Gently over a period of months the Lord revealed to me a precious lesson. “Because I love you, you submit willingly.” Of course I submit willingly, who wouldn't to the perfect father, husband and lover of my soul. The king of the universe was teaching me through His Holy Spirit that love, only love was the key to submission in marriage.

When a woman loves she wants to submit, there's a powerful dynamic when a wife knows that her husband loves her. Song of Solomon 2:4 says 'He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love'. God has revealed the mystery surrounding submission in marriage, love. No wonder the subsequent verses of Ephesians 5 concentrate solely on the husbands role which is to love.There is no power play or dominating in submission based on love because “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” ( 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

God in His wisdom knew the immediate response from a woman who's loved – to submit, trust or take refuge under the wing of the one who loves her.He knew that without love submission would become a divisive tool in the hearts of humans and the church.

One of the greatest examples of an entirely free woman is the Proverbs 31 woman. Think about it, if this woman was a subjugated wife would she have the freedom to go shopping for wool and flax? Would she be allowed to spend extravagantly on exotic foods from afar? Or have the finacial knowledge or decision making power to purchase real estate? Would she beautifully welcome others into a poor and hopeless existence? No. She would be clothed in shame and she would fear the future, never knowing her own worth or the acknowledgement of her husband and children. She would be merely clinging to her earthly existence without the strength to mutter a few pitiful words. In subjugation there is no freedom to express yourself, be yourself or love yourself.

The proverbs 31 woman was a wife who understood the meaning of submission in marriage. She was living a completely satisfied and full life enveloped in the confidence of her husband, with his praise to cheer her on. She was a woman, capable, virtuous, outstanding and wise, set free under love to fulfill her awesome destiny. She was reminded constantly of her worth, her strength and dignity as a dearly loved child of God and a dearly loved wife and mother.